A Werewolf's Guide to Life

The Werewolf’s Guide to Life: A Manual for the Newly Bitten
By Bob Powers and Ritch Duncan

Written for the newly converted werewolf in your life, this manual is designed to help you get through your experiences as a werewolf.

The first couple of pages is a quiz of sorts that helps you determine if you need this manual. The chapters include such things as : How to determine if your are really a werewolf, Pure Bloods, How to create a safe room for your monthly transformations, Romance and the modern werewolf, Avoiding detection, The Trouble with Vampires, and The Dark Side of Lycanthropy.

One of the first concerns the new werewolf has is self identity. Are you an animal, are you human? Are you safe around loved ones, what can kill you (Is it really all about silver bullets?) and how do you come out of the dog house, so to speak. This can be pretty tough because you have to live safely, secretly and hopefully normally as you can. Diet of werewolves consists primarily of raw meat and bones.

Recommendations are that you change from urban to rural settings and learn to be a cattle farmer and butcher all your own meat. If this is not possible, find yourself a meat wholeseller because you are going to need it. Werewolves will always be hungrier than other humans and will eat substantially more, even when not in their wolf form.

Despite the myths, you can be killed by most anything that would kill you as a human, but non lethal wounds, excluding things like amputations, will heal in short order. That is why you should not panic and rush to the hospital if you wake to find yourself moderately wounded. By the way, you should suspend your active health care program, medical professionals through blood tests and the like will determine your otherness and you will be outed.

Then there is a difference between bitten and born weres. Those who are born weres are considered purebloods. This is really a misnomer. The born were is product of a male were and female non-were. Your first moon will not occur until puberty. Bitten males can produce purebloods, so there is no marked differentiation between purebloods and bitten, except the pure bloods may be more heavily covered in their pelt and their transformations are not as uncomfortable.

Employing the Werewolf: Here are some career suggestions for the werewolf

Waiter and waitress- Easy to get, good work if you really apply yourself, income is tough to tax if you earn good tips and you can work longer hours because of your stamina. If you are a conscientious employee, your requests for your three day moon phases will not be a hardship.

Office Temp- If you have office and computer skills, you will be great as a temp. The pay is pretty good and you have the most flexible schedule you can imagine.

Professional Mover- You are a natural for this sort of job because your strength and you can have the moon off…

Bounty Hunter- There you go, you will be able to use your heightened senses and fight crime and make pretty good money too….Take Dog the Bounty Hunter for instance…..

Trade Union Organizer- Rough and tough is what is required for this sort of job

Love is tough for the werewolf. How do you convince someone you like that you really howl at the moon and doggie style is more than a position in The Karma Sutra for you.

But this is the chapter I really wanted to get to and that was the chapter called: The Trouble with Vampires: Navigating your interactions with the smug, effeminate undead.

This is where we might have trouble enjoying this book, but I liked this part so much and got such a kick out of it, I scanned this section and sent it to the Lead Counselor and his response was ROTFLMAO…which I thought was pretty good and may put him in a better humor this Wednesday when we meet for the TB Anonymous meeting.

They have a relationship somewhere between mutual hatred and barely grudgingly tolerant. To werewolves, the undead are smug corpses, snotty and superior, who think about nothing but blood. Vampires see werewolves as graceless, vulgar, filthy, flea bitten mutts who should all be put down. Their blood is even too inferior to drink.

And just as Vampires have Fangbangers, weres have Furchasers. These are people who like to run around or encounter werewolves who want to become werewolves. Don’t do it, stay away from them.

So, get this book, read it with the mutt in your life and have a great chuckle….You won’t be sorry.